Cleaning
I clean you clean
I heated up some stew I made. 3 potatoes, 1 pound of green split peas and half a turkey sausage seasoned with whatever I could find in the cupboard. It has successfully fed me for 3 days now today being the last day of it feeding me, it has done a good job at doing what it’s supposed to do and in all honesty it’s exactly what I needed every night. Thank you Split Pea Stew.
Before I continue writing I will in real time take 2 shots back to back as I’m alone in the apartment. Something about drinking alone to me is very freeing maybe cause it feels a bit taboo like one of those things you know you shouldn’t be doing, because usually when you hear someone drinking alone your first thought is to assume they are depressed, though I am unsure if I am afflicted by such things I choose to believe that I am above the depressive man drinking alone at home at 5PM on a Tuesday, me drinking alone is an absolute triumph, I have transcended any chance of being a sad depressed man because I have activity as long as you have activity surely you aren’t anywhere near being depressed because a depressed person would just do nothing. We don’t do that here. Now, If you’ll excuse me I have a bottle of Tequila I must open.
Organzing clothes
Holy shit tequila hurts I took 2 shots back to back and chased with water. It sounds very ratchet, and it is, but that only adds to the absolute vibeyness of drinking alone.
While I was heating up the stew I mentioned earlier I had the absolute brain blast to clean up everything while stew heats up and cools down. This was easily the best decision I made all day - arguably all week. I finally put away all the clothes that have been lying around - oh my god I feel lit - I thought oh I’ll tidy up every drawer so I threw out all the clothes from every drawer laid them on the bed and I started watching reels ontop of all the clothes I have just taken out.
What the fuck is wrong with me lmao who does this shit it’s like I thought to myself ah yes I have completed 1/4 of my mission why don’t I reward myself with a little brain rot ah yes. Luckily I snapped out and narrowly escaped the clutches of me evil slaver. I broke free from the digital shackles and started to organize my drawers. If you’re interested in how I organize you are in luck.
bottom drawer - pants
4th drawer - gym clothes and PJs
3rd drawer - socks and undies with T-Shirts, this is the most problematic drawer it gets crammed way to fast and I have to wrestle with it nearly every time I open it. I have been saying I should thin out my shirts but you know how that goes. I hate the stupid fucking white socks I have that look like shit because they are stained like crazy and the fit on them is awful I stole them all from an old job so they really need to be deaded perhaps I’ll order myself new socks but I have been saying this for months but maybe today I really do do it.
2nd drawers - we don’t look in this one
1st drawer - This is mainly for nice long sleeves that you don’t want to hang up because it will compromise the integrity of the garment so you fold them to ensure they live a nice happy life.
We successfully organized the bottom 3 drawers a major win. Everything is neat and tidy and I expect it to stay that way for at least 3-4 days until I stop giving a fuck and let it all go into disarray - holy fuck I’m feeling those shots - and let the cycle continue as it does.
I go to check on my stew and oops I didn’t really turn on the heat that high so it’s lukewarm at best, not to fret we turn up the heat and find next chore to do.
Washing clothes
After putting all the clothes away I thought oh frick I really should do a load of laundry. So I walk down the 67 steps and get the first load in. Arguably I bet I really do bet I could have done it all in one load but I have had too many traumatic experiences of doing a big load of laundry and it takes hours to dry to where I have taught myself to separate my loads - Loads is a funny word I always think of load is in a big cum load. Isn’t it epic to cum a big load of cum. Who wants a tiny drippy load of cum that is so not epic. imagine this you’re going at it with whoever and they tell you to cum on them now would you rather have a sad little tiny load of cum or a big fat gushing geyser load of cum hrmmm - so I had one small load - lmao - and one medium load. As a matter of fact they are still going as we speak and I really hate the fact that I have to go back down at least 2 more times thats 268 steps I have to go up and down in total. Right now the first load ie the small load is in the dryer which I bet it’s done but the medium load is in the wash which I would HATE MYSELf if I walked down and the wash wasn’t done. The worst part is I’m going to have to fold those clothes and put them away in the drawers I was talking about above. And I can ASSURE you that there is not enough space in them to fit a small and medium load - lol - so I’m going to have to do more rearranging. But I did the damn thing I am and did wash my clothes wahoo.
Now an astute reader is probably wondering how does this line up with my stew heating up and cooling down.
So I put the first load in when I just turned the heat up. I’ll mention when I started to dry it later.
Sweeping
it is now 5:37PM I am really feeling this liquor but y’know what I’m thinking?
The clothes are really probably done by now. I should go check on them but I don’t want to. It’s stupid y’know because the right move to make right now is going down and changing the clothes - there are 2 shirts that I shouldn’t dry because they are wool and cotton this is more of a reminder for myself in my drunken stupor - and you know what I’ve been on a roll of good decisions and in an attempt to prove to myself that getting drunk alone is vibey I’m going to stay on top of my chores that I started.
I even put away most of them major W
So after Organizing drawers and washing clothes the stew was now hot enough but next came letting it cool down. This is critical mfers will try to eat food while it’s too hot and they hardly can enjoy it cause they are too busy trying to make sure they don’t burn their tongue we don’t do that hear we must ensure food reaches a consumable temperature.
So I start to sweep. This is one of the most ancient things we can do mfers have been sweeping in the fucking stone ages so when I get to sweep I get to reconnect with some ancient threaded DNA yafeel.
I am reduced to nothing a single piece of debris swept up with a pile of other miscellaneous trash that has found its way on the floor. Reaching ever closer to me I know my time is certainly up to where I will be swept up with the other trash conglomerating with the pile of shit before me, cat hair, kitty litter, Trader Joe Taki crumbs, gold fish flavor blasted flakes, outside dirt that has somehow found it’s way to the third floor, oats that have escaped their fate of turning into gooey paste inside the oats cage, dust that came from god knows where, potential black mold flakes that I have only started thinking about because instagram is trying to make me paranoid that I’m living in black mold and that it’s the root of all evil.
I lost where I was going but the point is I swept the whole floor I wish I had a sqft that I could reference but perhaps I’ll make one up to make this seem a bit more present.
I swept the 1200 sqft apartment - I’m not sure if that’s big or small - and I swept up all the kitty litter that has found it’s way outside the kitty litter area only to look inside the kitty litter boxes or tubs in horror…. I haven’t cleaned the fucking kitties shitting/pissing grounds I am the worst kitty cat dad ever. I simply must clean them immediately.
The stew is still piping hot.
Dishes
We will get to the kitty litter in a second since I’m trying to time everything right I clean the dishes. The dishes are the one thing I seem to always stay ontop of, aside form putting them away. So I put all the dishes away and I clean the 4 dishes in the sink.
The pot which I just heated up the stew in, the plate that I had a half a bagel with honey before the gym and the tiny spoon which I ate ice cream with the night before.
the stew is still just as hot as it was before but it’s almost there .
Kitty Litter
Now cleaning the kitty litter is actually quite a complex task when considering the fact that I have stew cooling down and clothes in the wash.
I don’t feel comfortable throwing the kitty litter in the trash, this is outside trash it simply must be put outside how disgusting would it be to know I have kitty piss n shit in the main trash sitting there festering away for days until main trash is taken out no we in fact do not roll that way kitty shit must be disposed of outside.
This was interesting I like to double bag the kitty shits the first bag I grabbed was alone the second bag I grabbed was already double bagged - I’m grabbing Smiths grocery store plastic bags btw - but instead of using the already double bagged bags I instead separated the double bag and added it to the original first bag I had. I thought that was very important. The first bag I grabbed for was destined to transport kitty poops n pees outside if I were to put them away and only use the already double bagged bags I would have been changing the fate of the first bag and I am not in the business of changing ANYONES fate bag or not. So I bagged the first bag double up. The double up is to ensure there is little to no chance of litter escaping and spreading on the floor. in the off chance that there are multiple holes in each bag I’d like to assume that the in discrepancies are different enough to where the litter has no chance to escape. With the double bagged smiths bags in hand I went to work.
I would like to veer off into my emotional state that I was in when I was cleaning said kitty litter.
I have really let myself go the past couple of days. Wifey has been away and I have been on a downward spiral of sorts nothing really serious but in a eh I’ll do shit later just pushing everything back like going to the gym and making the bed n shit like that. but something about seeing the kitty litter boxes not being cleaned had me like oh shit twin we gotta lock tf in.
I REALLY WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU KNOW that the kitty litter boxes were not gross at all but to me it was unacceptable. I’m sure my unacceptableness is the norm for most people. Actually I’m sure of it!!!! lifetime kitty owner ex would clean out her kitties litter box once or twice a week! this kitty box was cleaned last Saturday so like 3 days but still I was disappointed in myself because honestly I should be cleaning this shit out once a day! anywho it was a wake up call in a sense and I simply must thank my stew for if I didn’t make stew I wouldn’t have cleaned if I didn’t clean I wouldn’t have seen the state of kitty box and thinking about Binky and Tofu having to use the restroom in such conditions hurts my heart and soul.
I had an epiphany while doing so. Cleaning the waste is fine. The soluble kitty excrements don’t phase me in the slightest the large clumps of kitty piss must be digged out and I get to pretend I’m a sort of archaeologist when I sift the poops through the tiny shovel. It’s like I’m hunting for fossils it’s, in some sick way kinda fun. especially when you find a hidden poop underneath all the litter. The litter also releases a strong bleach smell that is kinda nice so you don’t really have to smell any sort of waste at all. So while I was digging for fossils I had this strange epiphany.
This is exactly the same as a Japanese Zen Garden. you know the ones where they use rakes and make designs and shit only for them to be blown away so you can do it all over again. That’s some glorified pompous shit but it makes sense, I’m cleaning the kitty poops and I make the litter all nice and level and even try to make a small design with the corner of the shovel so maybe the kitties can stare at it while they poop because why? For legit no reason aside from the fact that I kinda like it. the same reason an mfer is raking there garden, just cause they like it - I am so faded lmao. The point is I am a zen god because I pick up kitty poops and I rake their litter into a nice way so they can enjoy pissing and shitting in comfort these kitties deserve the best.
So I have collected 3 days waste of kitties and I need to throw the bagged poops n piss but I have all this other shit I wanted to recycle aswell so I make one whole trip and get rid of a whole bunch of shit boom epic, and since I’m already outside I go and flip the wash into the dryer and put the rest of my shit in to the wash and I am happy to report that by the end of all that our story finally reaches a close - ngl I’m kinda sobering up maybe I need another shot - I walk back upstairs and I check on my stew and it has finally reached a comfortable temperature to where I can eat it in comfort.
I sit down and I enjoy my stew, I eat it in about 6 minutes.
What did you just read
Now for anyone who has sat here and read through all this shit I suppose I should give meaning to what all this means.
Typically I don’t like to explain what shit means because I think that’s for the viewer to decide. But quite frankly people are dumb as hell, the amount of times I’ve left a movie and heard people are going to look up what it meant is proof enough. Also I think it’s a way for the creator to kinda cheat meaningness in any way or form.
Taking care of all this small shit is a way of proving to myself that I’m alive and functioning surely a depressed person wouldn’t clean up a bunch of shit and make themselves a bowl of stew stovetop. A depressed person would fs microwave it! What looks like on the outside as a jumbled mess of duties slowly turns into rituals and maintenance where meaning begins to blossom. The stew is the precursor, ah yes I’ve decided to feed myself but why stop at food why not nurture myself in more ways why not clean up all this shit that has been bugging me why not clean up for the kitties who can’t clean for themselves. I have given myself meaning through something so small. I have felt so much just be kneeling down and cleaning up kitty poops. Nothing dramatic happens because that’s just how it goes. Kitties will always poop whether you pay attention or not, what matters is someone depends on me whether I like it or not.
SO YES I CAN HAVE 4 SHOTS OF LIQUOR IF I FEEL LIKE IT
CONSUMER REPORT 4 EVER🛜🧡🪽!!!
I’m actually quite upset I haven’t posted in so long that I didn’t even make a fricking winter mascot version that cuts deep