How to style Flip-Flops 2025
Stolen Valor 🎖️
Welcome to Consumer Report — a personal archive of observations, impulses, thoughts, and internal monologues. This is where I process the world as I consume it: media, people, moods, ideas, and anything else that sticks. Subscribe to read whatever nonsense I’m thinking about this week. Stay hot, fun, and sexy. 🧡🛜
I was greeted with troubling news on a hot summers day, I had just gotten back from my hot summer run, and Juan dms me GQ’s flip flop psy-op post. Unfortunately GQ doesn’t know what the hell they are talking about and they don’t have my oracle insight on the fashion industry.
See, Flip-Flops becoming in vogue is quite troubling news because I, like many others, enjoy my individuality, and suddenly I find that same individuality threatened by mainstream fashion heads.
Stolen Valor - How to wear Flip Flops
The issue with fashion heads getting their hands on Flip-Flops is because the meaning behind Flip-Flops gets put at risk. The same way our beloved word “based” became distorted by new users who didn’t know its roots; The meaning of flip flops will get distorted the same. Flip Flops are a lifestyle not a fashion statement. You’re leaving the house with your toes out, vulnerable and exposed, leaving your ego, not taking life seriously, how serious can you be when your toes are out?
The Flip Flop is the sign of a chill mfer, your job is to encapsulate that.
People just don’t get it though. They see the flip flop and make assumptions, projecting their own insecurities onto your toes.
Like this woman at the bar - she had already said something rude earlier in the night that caught me off guard. Later I see her outside, and I decide to confront her. We go back and forth for a bit, and then she drops:
“I like your vibe… but you need to lose the flip flops.”
I’m blindsided what a low hanging fruit to reach for, to attack my footwear choice? I don’t go around telling people in checkered vans that they need to wear different shoes just because they look like a middle school student who just learned to dress themselves.
I pause then pounce.
My flip flop sermon garners the attention of fellow patrons. Slowly, people around us start listening in. A crowd forms. I preach. They listen. Freeing them from the shackles of hot leather and tennis shoes.
Most people can’t handle confrontation while their toes are out, that’s next-level composure. That is how you wear Flip Flops: you need the attitude to match the vibe. If you’re gonna wear them, you better be ready to defend them.
Fake ass Flip Flop wearers. (FFF)
Here’s the problem with fashion heads picking Flip-Flops up: Most of them tend to be an anxious bundle of nerves who don’t know how to properly talk to people. So half the time they come off as awkward, or worse, conceited.
These types don’t have strong opinions on Flip-Flops — maybe not even on anything. Weak-minded people should choose other footwear. They will crumble under any huff and puff, succumbing to any defamation. They are not ready to be vulnerable, they are not ready to have their soul exposed. They should stay hidden with their Margiela Tabis or Rick Owens shoes. Leave the Flip-Flops for a real mf.
I truly feel sorry for people who only let their feet out at home, it’s a miserable life to have your toes cramped up all day, everyday. The mind of an individual who follows the trends, without stopping to think, that maybe - just maybe - they don’t need to be wearing cowboy boots on a hot summer day - and if they really wanna be in them hot boots, they got some other shit going on that they needa figure out. It’s vain and tacky and I will not stand for it.
I sit here feeling happy and upset. Knowing that these types will slowly start to wear Flip-Flops — it’s already happening, faster than I expected. My stylish friend — who I love — is suddenly ready to make the jump, after I’ve been telling him for years Flip-Flops are the move. I see them now, polluting coffee shops, bars, and my friends.
They will sully its meaning.
My self expression will melt away.
I will forgive them.
I’m glad people out there are starting to understand just how good it feels to be a little bit more comfortable. I welcome you into the world of Flip-Flops — not because I want to, but because I’m destined to.
That is the way of the Flip-Flops.
Top 10 best Flip Flops of The Summer
This ain’t about giving you links to 50 pairs of Flip-Flops and calling it a day, like some Nolandanielwhite post. I’m here to give you the cultural insight, to give you the knowledge you need to see if you’re ready to step into the freeing world of Flip-Flops
The beauty of the Flip-Flop lies in its modesty, you don’t need name brands, you don’t need expensive flops. No Flip-Flop is going to suddenly rid you of your anxieties, you won’t magically learn social skills, and you won’t find grace.
You need the attitude; the spirit; the love.
Keep that mentality with a $10 pair from Walmart, you’ll be good.
Pewf, okay gee whiz that took longer than I thought. Yeah Flip-Flops are pretty great even just yesterday Juan was rocking the flops and he was appreciating the sound of his own footsteps and the beautiful desert sunset we had. That’s embracing new culture — I give all credit to the flops.
I’m on a little weekend trip visiting Lake Powell. And I thought I’d flesh this out more. everyone else went to drive ATVS I just wasn’t in the mood to go get all dusty and what not I’d much rather write in solace. hehehe.
I have been giving the task to make guacamole for when they come back. I’m quite honored Stephens mom wants me to make some. So for now I’m gonna go get stoned with Fran and make some of the best guac these mfers ever had.
I’m on a roll y’all I cannot afford to stop posting aka writing I’m tapping into some fun stuff lately, keep cheering me on y’all as always
CONSUMER REPORT 4 EVER TRUST DA VISION IM A VET 2 THIS SHIT 🧡🛜🎖️
Beautiful as always I've truly out done myself