Mr Jonathan Pork
The shackles must be broken
Consumer Report is place to make sense of the world through: media, people, and, ideas. It’s all a mess, but that’s kinda the point. You ain’t gonna read sh*t like this anywhere else cause nobody thinking bout sh*t the way I be thinking bout this sh*t.
Stay hot, fun, and sexy. 🧡🛜
I’m Depressed
Not like full blown depression but depressed enough that I haven’t written in awhile. Depressed enough that my gym schedule has meandered to 3-4 times a week rather than 5-6 times a week. Depressed enough that I just don’t really give a shit about much of anything.
It’s quite annoying but it is manageable. Manageable enough that I feel like I can talk about it. Because honestly if I was full blown truly depressed I wouldn’t talk about it - that’s a little tasteless. If it’s like small cute relatable depression it’s chill. If it’s full blown crisis it’s just kinda depressing. We can bend all we want but just don’t break.
So I was showering and thought to myself hrmm maybe I should write maybe that’ll help keep the fear at bay. And I’m glad to report that it is doing exactly just that.
I’ve been trying to sew a lot lately and while I wanna say it’s fun, it’s absolutely not fun. Which is good because writing stopped being fun for awhile and all of a sudden after a month or so break it has become fun once again. Maybe spinning lots of plates is better than I expected because I’m sure after I’ve been writing for a few days I will once again loathe writing and think sewing is fun or some shit like that.
SERIOUS
Ultimately the less serious I take everything the better. Life seems better when I don’t take it too serious. Just the way I don’t take my depression that serious.
Once I take my depression serious than the world seems more serious and quite frankly there is nothing serious about it. It’s all a cruel misunderstood joke. The lack of decorum I see on a day to day basis proves to me that nothing matters. Look at the way we are treated and how we treat others. The way people hide behind pointless beliefs and emotions to make themselves feel better about themselves.. The world has been painted gray. Find me someone who cares. Ultimately who gives a fuck anymore.
TREND WATCH 👀
Polos 👕-
The easiest way to upgrade ur white boy swag is with a crisp polo. Look I get why frat mfs wear them and for some reason they are so hot right now. Maybe because I just like how I feel in them. Actually hold up.
Just threw on my knock off Burberry polo I got in Peru for like $10. I REALLY REALLY REALLY WISH I BOUGHT MORE KNOCK OFFS IN PERU LIKE FUCK ME WTF!
I’m rocking my 1 of 1, 10 inch army canvas hat, my biceps are about to burst out these knock off Burberry ribbed cuffs. The collar is popped n it’s making me feel swaggynasty. Do not mess with me because I’m in that zone, and it all happened just because I got that mf polo on. You really gotta embody this shit.
Polos are absolutely a move a good one goes a long way. The only tip I have for finding one is look at how the placket sits on your chest.
Smoking Less 💨-
Stoners I really hate to say this. But collectively, we gotta smoke less.
Actually hold up.
I just took a teeny baby hit I’m talking a quarter of the pipe 2 hit max.
This is how we should all be smoking. The key is in moderation. Keep your tolerance low, once you become a tank you gotta know to ease up. Easier said than done but it really ain’t that hard. Ain’t no reason to be getting fricked up every time ur stoned it just ain’t doing anyone no good especially urself.
The more conscious of a stoner the chiller you are, no longer a move of desperation but a chill conscious decision to embrace the hashish.
anyone can smoke a lot
but who among us can stretch the hash
amen
Eating healthy -
Look you always gonna vibier if you eating clean.
The better you eat the better you feel. Suddenly you feel the fear pushed back a few more inches because at least you know you’re properly fueling your body. With the fear pushed back and your body feeling 💯 you become a vibe machine.
Ragebaits affect you less. The old decrepit lady at the gym saying ur set is taking too long only makes you laugh at her impatient you actually find yourself wishing they can relax later today. They take away your parking space and you have to park a block away from your house but this is not an issue because you love walking and you love walking because you eat so clean.
Actually hold up.
I just made the nastiest shake ever It’s really thick and tastes like walnuts.
-cup of oats
-few spoonfuls of yogurt
-a big dump of whole flaxseed
-way to much walnuts
-orgain powder
-too little water
honestly it has a gasoline aftertaste this is disgusting.
The fear gets pushed back
Skull Caps -
I really hate to say this one but skull caps, like they always been hot but the past couple of months they rocketed into the fashion ecosystem. Every mf has that arcteryx cap. I mean it makes sense it looks good, cmon thats classic arcteryx swag we are talking about. But it ain’t rubbing me the right way it just don’t work with mfs they don’t embody it. I’m not sure what IT is but it don’t sit right.
Opium-
Cmon when has opium not been a vibe?
I’ve been feeling mad opium lately it’s kinda a vibe. But I’ve also been feeling depressed lately… maybe opium isn’t as vibey as I think it is. Maybe I should stick with John Porking.
Eye In the Sky -
upcoming trends typeshit
These are hot. Super thin skullcap is out. Super thin beanies are in.
Waffle beanies r smart they look v clean. Gimme a week I’ll whip up some nice ones.
Intention - Action
I started Golden Temple on September 27th. Can you believe that a month later all I’ve read is 90 pages. This is heinous! I really must read more. It’s honestly so annoying how much I say that. Because for whatever reason I never read, it’s always like I read for an hour or two every couple weeks.
Typing this out made me frustrated so I went to see if there is a term for something like this and lo n behold we got one. Intention-Action Gap. It feels nice to know this is something everyone goes through so much that they gave it a name.
Yeah we like instant gratification. Saying things out loud instantly levels up our values and slightly changes our identity. Saying I should read more shows that I value reading. Without actually having to read. That in turn makes me feels satisfied enough that I don’t actually read. Idk just some smug shit terminology. Like if someone actually said I’m not reading because “Intention-Action Gap” I’d be so pissed.
Giving it credit gives it more strength. I don’t care if everyone goes through the same thought process. I shouldn’t be thinking like that. I really should just pick up the mf book n read I’m not some dumb nondescript neanderthal who falls for the “Intention - Action Gap” like wtf. It’s so dumb. If you want to read you read. Ain’t no psycho babble gonna get me to think I can’t read.
Actually hold up.
I just read The “Temple of the Golden Pavillion” for like an hour that was hype.
The fear gets pushed back
PERSONAL EXPERIMENTATION IN IDENTIY AND COPING
Daily choices are a way to figure out who we are and how to survive life’s stressors. Trying different things is slowly changing my identity each day. Some days I feel more the writer, more a thinker, more a gooner.
Wearing a polo, popping the collar, alone at home. I embody a caricature of someone more confident and swaggy. A ritual only for myself.
When I read I’m reminded that there are others just as miserable as me.
By smoking less I prove to myself that I am among the ranks of the wise zen monks observing the world with a clear mind.
All this shit I do is just to keep the ever encroaching fear at bay.
I do all this shit to see what actually works. Because one day writing is helping and the next it’s the most god awful annoying thing ever. One day I gooning is mad vibey the next a dark depressing reminder of all my life’s failures sending me to a depressive shame spiral.
So I won’t believe some “intention-action gap” shit reinforcing my laziness by saying everyone goes through the same motions so it’s okay because it’s not okay.
Everything I do shapes who I am.
Life is a cruel joke and you’re thrown in expected to know what to do. Anyone who says they know what they are doing is probably more miserable than you.
Idk what writing all this bullshit really did for me but I do feel the fear has been pushed ever so further away and it made me read, put on a nice polo, and eat some healthy food, so wahooo.
That’s chill I should do more schizo writing it feels very freeing.
Anywho look at this lil plush guy I sewed he’s pretty dang cute. I need learn how to hide the sewed edge I’m sure I’ll figure it out.
ok bye!
CONSUMER REPORT 4 EVER 🛜😔🧡
